These past two weeks have been filled with many new adventures, challenges, and a lot of learning experiences. On the 21st of August, I departed the U.S. to spend a few days traveling before the start of my study abroad program this semester in Segovia, Spain. After a quick stop in Madrid and a day layover in Lisbon, I spent the following 7 days exploring the cities of Milan, Florence, Venice, and Rome. During my journey, I encountered beautiful cultural experiences, saw historic sites and works of art, and had some insightful conversations with the people I met along the way.
Possessing the ability to speak Italian was extremely helpful in communicating, asking questions, and getting really good recommendations for food. There were also a few times my Italian allowed me to talk my way into local discounts; something extremely helpful when traveling on a budget and every euro counts.
I’ve always valued language for its ability to allow you to immerse yourself in foreign places, but finally going to Italy and being able to use my Italian was such a wonderful and rewarding experience. From those I met in hostels, to the concierges, and to the waiters and waitresses, each conversation taught me a little something new and made my travels more meaningful than simply seeing the sites.
On my final day in Rome I decided to check into my hostel a bit early and ended up meeting a few of my roommates. After my shower, I had planned to nap, have a nice meal in the city, and call it night before my flight the next morning. What I didn’t plan for was to end up spending an evening with strangers and having the most insightful series of conversations of my trip. I’m not quite sure if it was mere coincidence, but that night served as the perfect end to my journey.
Particularly, there was one conversation that resonated with me more than others. In the middle of our conversation at dinner one of my companions brought forth an interesting question: Why is it easier for total strangers like us to connect and have meaningful conversations while traveling in a country thousands of miles away than it is with the people we meet back home?
It was an interesting question. Many of my friends in the past had talked about their experiences abroad and how closely connected they became with their travel companions. It wasn’t necessarily a product of the three individuals sitting at our table, it was something that many others had experienced on their past journeys. It led me to question what affordances exist that allow total strangers to have such meaningful conversations yet prevent us from having those same conversations with our friends back home.
The most basic answer is the most physically natural one. It's Darwinist; back when we were hunters and gathers we improved our chances of survival by being able to form relationships that allowed us to meet one another's needs. Then after we fulfilled our physiological and safety needs we developed the need for friendship to fulfill our psychological and self-actualization needs. Scientifically, it's as simple as that humans need social connection and interaction. When traveling alone, especially in a place where communicating is difficult, we become socially isolated. The scarcity of connections in new environments leads us to emphasize the relationships we make with the people we come across.
However, social and communicative explanations are far more interesting. Building quality relationships becomes easier when we are abroad because the social pressures that exist back home are not as imposing. The minimization of pressures to adhere to social norms and manage network impressions allows us to be ourselves and fosters better conversations. When we interact in specific environments and groups we are forced to follow guidelines of expected behaviors and topics of conversation. Certain environments foster certain types and styles of conversations. Interactions within organizational environments are often task-based and tailored toward the theme of the organization. Conversations in academic organizations are usually task-based, in religious organizations are religion-themed, or at a bar or party are themed towards small talk. Our environments dictate what we talk about with others and how broad and deep those conversations can go.
In a similar way, groups cause us to adhere to norms. Topics of conversation and connection are dictated by the general interest of the group to foster group cohesion. Members seek to conform to group norms to appease the group and as to not identify as an outlier. Even when group conversation does transcend past surface-level topics, there still exists the pressure to filter the information we share.
There also exist cultural and societal norms that force us to manage impressions. Gender norms, professional images, and many other pressures exist that force us to filter the information we share with others. When we travel to new places and those norms are not as explicit to us, we can easily rationalize abandoning them, or in a simple sense, being more deviant with our topics and styles of communication.
When we take the conversation outside of conventional settings and groups we are faced with less pressure to conform to these norms of the group, environment, culture, and society. Traveling abroad physically removes us from many of these pressures. We leave behind networks, groups, environments, and many of the norms that we become accustom to appeasing. These new environments allow us to open up to others more freely and allows us to express ourselves without fearing the risk and consequences of our environments back home.
Traveling allows us to express ourselves more freely and then builds upon themes of reciprocity. When we open up to others it inclines them to reciprocate the intimacy. This reciprocal disclosure creates "stronger ties". I use quotations because whether these ties are real or merely an illusion varies for each scenario and the people involved.
Can the themes of this phenomenon be used in familiar environments back home? Certainly. The amazing moments and connections we can make abroad are not restricted to foreign countries and complete strangers. We can seek to strengthen our relationships with those we meet at home by fostering deeper conversations in the same way our environments abroad do. We should seek to build relationships outside of group settings and fight inclinations to not take risks in expressing ourselves more freely to those around us. We should seek to balance our networks and deeper connections.
The implementation of the processes is much more complex. Unfortunately, we cannot disconnect and ostracize ourselves from groups, organizations, and the values that are present in our home environments as easily. We still need to manage networks and filter information to maintain images and foster cohesion amongst our groups.
Rather, it's about finding a balance. We shouldn't sacrifice a deep connection for the appeasement of our networks and vice versa. The balance exists in finding groups and individuals that serve different purposes in our lives and balancing our networks by having those we connect with more deeply and those whom we interact for different purposes.
In college environments, most relationships are fostered from membership in groups and organizations, and we often find ourselves interacting within networks of friends which makes building relationships outside of group context more difficult. Rarely do connections manifest outside of a classroom, organizational, or group setting, especially in college towns where most people you meet attend the same university.
Yet, that's the challenge and fun that leads to building meaningful relationships. When we find the right people it's rewarding. In time we learn how to better navigate our environments and relationships and begin to find those we truly connect with. So, seek to find a balance in your relationships, and don't be afraid of sacrificing some security for the sake of finding better relationships.
It's quite amazing how in a week removed from home one can be inspired and learn so much. This semester abroad will consist of many challenges, adventures, and most importantly opportunities to expand my frame of perception. I'm excited to learn and share my experiences with you as this semester progresses.
Feel free to share your experiences with this topic either in the comments section or with me personally. I look forward to hearing your stories and our future conversation.
Ciao e a dopo ragazzi!
Acknowledgment:
I want to take a few words to shout out the two wonderful strangers who I met my last night in Rome. Without our most random of encounters, the ideas in this article would not have been thought into existence, and this article, unwritten. Thank you for a night of great conversation, for it will forever be one of the highlights of my trip. I wish you both the best in your future travels and endeavors and may you be an inspiration in the lives of others as you were and are in mine.
-Best,
The photographer
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